I said goodbye to my dog Remmy due to his old age a little less than 2 years ago and it crushed me. He was my first dog as an adult and while I had wanted a dog for a long time, when we got together it wasn’t the plan. Once I got it? I couldn’t imagine life without him…or remember life Before him. I know everyone says that (and everyone is right) but he was the best dog. My mother was the first to see his pretty face on the local shelter’s website. It was not uncommon for her to look there casually, as my parents at that time used to visit the animals at the shelter during their weekly evening, bringing them treats and affection. They went through it, adoring every pair of eyes they met to let them know they deserved love. Years ago my mother would never have done this because she would have found it too depressing, but now she firmly believes in helping them as much as she can, even if it makes her sad to not being able to bring them all home. . My parents have always been animal lovers, so it’s no surprise that I am too.
My mother was so struck by his unique appearance (he was a vizsla – a breed we weren’t all familiar with at the time) that she insisted we go meet him in person even though he wasn’t a date and even if they theoretically At this time we were not actively looking for an additional dog. I happened to stop by their house while this was happening, so I accompanied them to meet this dog that I knew very well could become theirs. We took him to a “cuddle room” and he was nervous (not uncommon for dogs who end up in shelters), but super sweet and happy to meet us. My parents were sitting on the bench in the room and I was on the floor, and he came and plopped down right in front of me and snuggled up to me. Needless to say, we all immediately loved him so much that he was coming home with him. A of us… even though I didn’t even come thinking of a dog for myself.
“Is this our dog or yours?” my mother said, looking at me with knowing eyes. “I think he made his choice,” I retorted with a smirk as he snuggled into my lap even though he was too big. And it was done. I took it home and was hooked from the start.
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I very quickly realized that although this sweet 5 year old dog needed to gain confidence in other areas of his life, he was almost perfect (I was neither biased nor biased). Nothing!), but it had one glaring problem that immediately became apparent. When left alone, Remmy would completely destroy my house. He barked and barked…and barked. And when he wasn’t barking, he was busy chewing on my front door frame, bending my doorknob, ripping the curtains off my windows, and also eating couches by the window. It was almost hard to believe that this super sweet dog potato was capable of such destruction. But ultimately we filmed him and there was no denying his guilt, but more devastatingly, there was no denying that he was experiencing considerable distress. So that I would put it in a crate when I had to leave him alone, I tried my best to plan my schedule as best as I could so that he could go to grandma and grandpa as often as possible to avoid this. He was not happier in a crate, which I now know is not uncommon for dogs with separation anxietyand he even broke his teeth trying to escape it, so over time I twisted and twisted my schedule even more.
I avoided leaving him completely alone as much as was humanly possible. So much so that it impacted my social life, and even my ex-husband, who I later met, worked different hours than me, so this otherwise amazing dog didn’t need to be in such a panic. Although it was frustrating and made me feel a bit like a hostage at times, it mostly made me feel guilty. I was a beginner at animal behavior, just learning the basics of training and didn’t know how to help him. What I knew was that it wasn’t out of malice or an attempt to get revenge. I knew he basically had a panic attack when humans weren’t around. As someone who has struggled with anxiety myself, I know this is not rational. He had a phobia and no amount of leaving him toys, treats, or comforting him in advance was going to help. It didn’t matter that I came back Everytime; he was too stressed to figure this out or learn this pattern. There were a lot of myths at the time that didn’t help my inability to help him through this ordeal; those that still prevail today, so I basically avoided leaving him and that was my only solution at that time.
Fast forward many years later: I work as a behavior consultant and trainer and even after years of working with a myriad of other behavioral barriers, I still wasn’t working with these particular cases because I knew that anxiety separation was different. I knew some things but not enough to help others. I finally took Malena DeMartini’s incredible crash course on separation anxiety and became CSAT (Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer). This incredible experience I had learning how to effectively help others with this problem made me as emotional as any stage in my career. has. I could easily say that I wish I knew then what I know now (because I do), but I view each client I help overcome that obstacle as a way for me to honor the memory of Remmy.
Now, when I tell my separation anxiety clients that I understand how stressful and helpless it is to have a dog with this phobia, I am delighted to be able to do so. Also tell them that separation anxiety is highly treatable. I love helping clients achieve their goals and helping their dogs feel good about their departure. I can also almost imagine what a weight it must be on their shoulders to finally be able to walk out the door and not constantly check their watch, or rush through the supermarket, or tell their friends they can’t get together. Again because their companion needs them at home. They feel good doing these things now because they know their dog is truly comfortable at home and that’s a peace of mind that every dog owner needs.
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For more information about private separation anxiety training, please visit https://www.homewardboundbehavior.com/dog-separation-anxiety-training-services.