It’s not your imagination: Pet ownership has increased during the COVID-19 pandemic. From 2020 to 2021 only, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) estimates that one in five American households – or 23 million – have added a fur baby to their family. After all, several studies, including one carried out during confinement, found that owning a pet can benefit your mental health. But even though Fido or Fluffy can ease anxiety and loneliness, some people find that their new furry friend can add stress to some personal relationships.
Quite simply, pets can improve your life, but they can also complicate it. Not only do they need to be fed, cared for, and cared for, but you also need to know what to do with them when you leave the house. As much as you love them, they aren’t welcome everywhere – and that might even include the homes of your closest friends and family members.
Why some people don’t want animals in their homes
You may be a dog or cat lover, but many people simply don’t like pets. And even those who consider themselves animal lovers might not be willing to love yours. There are many reasons why people around you might not enjoy your sidekick’s company, especially in their own homes.
Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a juris doctor and licensed marriage and family therapist who lives in Telluride, Colorado, explains that, for one thing, pets can carry germs. COVID-19 has created enormous anxiety about our collective health, to the point where many of us were wiping down our groceries and mail. Although those disastrous days are over, Dr. Hokemeyer says, “Our anxiety about germs and keeping our homes clean remains very high. »
Dogs can also bring in dirt and shed hair, and it’s not uncommon for them to mark their territory in a new location. “Pets, especially other people’s pets, may be adorable, but they are rarely serene and clean. They can bring great joy and comfort, but they also bring elements of chaos and uncleanliness into our most intimate and sacred environments,” says Hokemeyer.
An animal’s unpredictable behavior is another factor. As a facial reconstructive and aesthetic surgeon, Yan Lee, MD, of Yale Medicine Surgery in New Haven, Connecticut, sees many animal-related facial injuries. “It’s not just about the type or breed of animal, but also the situations that make people more vulnerable to injury,” she explains. One of these common situations? Meet new people. “It can be exciting, but also a little nerve-wracking. Their body language can help convey their emotions, but sometimes their body language is difficult to interpret. For example, a dog wagging its tail may be due to happiness. Or anxiety,” emphasizes Dr. Lee.
Pets can pose other dangers to your health. Purvi Parikh, MDallergist in New York and national spokesperson for the Allergy & Asthma Network, says: “Asthma is most often triggered by allergies, which include pets. An estimated 10 to 20 percent of people worldwide are allergic to dogs or cats, depending on the American Asthma and Allergy Foundation.
How to broach the subject
This can be a tricky subject. Many people consider their pet a member of their family. And if you’re not comfortable fostering someone else’s pet, you may not know how to set that boundary without causing hard feelings. Hokemeyer offers the following advice.
Be honest
Hokemeyer suggests complete honesty, not only about whether you want the animal in your home, but also why. “Avoid lying about why you don’t want their pet to come to your home,” he advises. “Don’t say you’re allergic to pets if you’re not. Instead, express your reasons with conviction and kindness.
Use the animal’s name
It may not seem like a big deal, but mentioning their pet’s name (and not using words like “that” to describe it) adds a dose of sensitivity to the conversation. Also make it clear that not wanting their pet in your home doesn’t mean you don’t respect how they feel about themselves.
Focus on your well-being
Explain to your friend or family member why housing their pet might be a problem for you. Let them know that by respecting your wishes, they will contribute to your well-being.
Leave it to them
Finally, give them an outlet gently and lovingly. Hokemeyer suggests something like: “You know, I love Spottie, but given my obsession lately with making sure my house stays as clean as possible to ensure the health of myself and my family, I’m going to have to do “The painful decision to keep the pets outside. I’m disappointed and sad, but I hope you can understand. If that means you’re not ready to come without her, I understand.”
Prepare to hold on
If your friend is offended or brings the animal in anyway, stick to your plan and don’t let it in. Hopefully, once he calms down, you can both get past this. If not, you may want to consider releasing them from your life. “If the person is acting negatively at this point, it’s clear they care more about themselves than their friendship,” says Hokemeyer. “Yes, it will be hard. You will probably lose the friend. But you will make up for this loss with self-respect and your ability to set and maintain difficult boundaries with difficult people,” he says.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel about other people’s pets, especially when it comes to your space. It’s okay to not want them in your home. “It’s not a public park meant to be shared,” Hokemeyer says. “You are the queen and king of the castle you created. You have the absolute right to rule it with authority and domination.